


A New Office (With A View)

by DrByron



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Assholes being jerks but secretly very sensitive, Fetishized consent, Identity Troubles, Initially dubious consent, InviolateHelios!AU, M/M, WEIRD kinds of threesomes, blowjob
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:04:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrByron/pseuds/DrByron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys and Handsome Jack succeeded in gaining control over Hyperion again. They want to make good use of their new position as CEO and celebrate by getting back at everyone who had stood in their way. But two different attitudes towards one person might make things go in unexpected ways- especially when those attitudes share one body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I began writing this after the 2nd episode was released. It has since become an AU where Rhys actually does become CEO of Hyperion, with Jack as his advisor & Vasquez still employed.
> 
> [Click here for an illustration to accompany your experience.](http://drbyron-art.tumblr.com/post/117027138314/an-illustration-of-my-borderlands-fanfiction-a)  
> Might contain spoilers.  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys orders Vasquez to his office and his revenge fantasy doesn't play out as anticipated.

The office of Hyperion’s CEO was larger than anything he could have dreamt up. This whole thing was larger than he could have dreamt of. This situation. Being the CEO. Alongside the notorious Handsome Jack. The former leader was still occupying the same body as Rhys did, but that didn’t really matter to the outside, when it was Rhys's likeness who would be in the news. It would be his face and his name plastered everywhere from now on. He could hardly believe that they were back on top, or on top for the first time, depending on who you'd ask.  
As Rhys had moved his belongings from his humble cubicle-like working place, there was no walking around the massive amounts of Handsome Jack Merchandise. There were more posters than there was wall. Even closing his eyes and fumbling in the self-imposed dark didn’t seem to help, as Jack’s laughter implied that he would still be able to see everything just fine. If Rhys hadn’t been to Pandora just a few days ago, this would have been the worst moment of his entire life.  
While packing his belongings, Rhys had nervously insisted that the motivational posters, the calendar and the memorabilia should be stored somewhere far away, hidden and locked up forever, but Handsome Jack had straight out refused.  
“No, no no no, this is perfect.", he had said.  
"I couldn’t have thought of a better way to show who’s really boss! Let’s put them up in here! I like to see my face!", he had said.  
"Ohh, this one is really rare, did you sell your arm for that? Is that why you had it substituted? Come on, tell me! You little creep!”  
Despite their sheer numbers, the posters still looked really lost in this vastness of the new office. At least one wall was all window and a nice view of Pandora. Rhys really loved nice views. This is what he had dreamt of.  
  
One of the first motions in office would be to get revenge on everybody who had stood in his way. Rhys and Handsome Jack agreed on that sentiment. As it was Rhys's body, and Jack was feeling generous, he would choose the first victim. And the very first person that came to Rhys's mind was the man who had brought all of this into motion. The man who had demoted him to senior vice janitor, out of spite and for humiliation. Rhys and Vaughn would have never gone down to Pandora if he would’ve gotten his promotion as intended, but he still couldn’t really feel ‘thankful’ about it.  
  
The office doors smoothly slid open, and Hugo Vasquez stood in their frame.  
"So, uh, Rhys... funny story, right? You. Being on top. Top top. Right at the very... top.”, he said.  
"Yeah, funny.” Rhys leaned back in his self-indulgent executive chair and folded his hands in his lap.  
“Do you know why I sent for you?" He did his best super villain voice.  
"To discuss your future career?” Only upon a hand gesture, Hugo shuffled closer to the desk.  
“I’ve been in a managing position before, umh, and we're pals, right? So you, uh, probably want to get back to those… wisdoms I wanted to share with you all along. Man to man. Leader to leader. Dick to dick.”  
“Yeah, uh, honestly, Hugo?", Rhys replied.  
"With you I never know what you mean. Are you saying dick as in _genitals_? Or dick as in asshole? Uh- I mean- uhh… as in… what _you_ are.”  
“Whatever you want it to mean.”, Hugo purred seductively.  
“Aaaalright, yeah, still mixed messages there, um… anyhow!” Rhys fidgeted with his limited edition Handsome Jack action figure, all complete with his signature smirk and a tiny buzzsaw. As he noticed that his fiddling was drawing attention, he quickly put it back on the desk. He was so rushed and awkward that it toppled over and flew off the tabletop.  
  
"Yeah, umh... I have Handsome Jack. _In my head._ ", Rhys specified.  
"I don’t think I’m in desperate need of advice, especially not from you.”  
Handsome Jack’s holographic phenomenon paced around on Vasquez’ side of the table. His gaze was fiercely fixed on the figurine on the floor.  
“Say, cupcake, are you gonna pick that up?”, he asked, for only Rhys to hear it.  
“‘Cause I won’t tolerate _mini-me_ lying on the floor over here. Like, seriously, this is so _not cool_. Pick me up. Come on. Pick me up!”  
Rhys groaned and went to pick up the action figure.  
“Hugo, are you implying that anything, _anything,_ you say could be of any importance to Handsome Jack? Are you that impudent?", Rhys said.  
Hugo took a deep breath and sank into the egg-shaped visitor’s chair.  
"I guess not…”, he mumbled. “Not if you ask him..."  
  
"See.” Rhys smirked. “ So you know where this is going... Hugo."  
"Alright alright, I know.”, Vasquez said, throwing his hands in the air.  
“You want me on my hands and knees, down on the floor, so you can humiliate me, is that it?"  
“Why, yes. Well done. This is exactly where I want to see you. In the dirt and on all fours…”  
Vasquez followed suit and slowly went down on his knees. He unwillingly crawled around the desk and closer towards Rhys, with his head barely raised enough to look him in the eyes.  
“W-w-wait, ok, _what_ are you doing?!" Rhys ejected, skidding back in his executive chair.  
“Ha! This is rich!", Jack giggled.  
"Look at that idiot going all _doggy_ on you! Wow, he has nooo self-respect!” Jack laughed, sitting on the desk and dangling his feet in amusement.  
“Come on, tell him to squeal like a pig! Do it!”  
“What? No, I’m not gonna do that! Uh…"  
  
He directed his speech towards Vasquez again.  
"I was gonna say that you are the new S _enior Vice Janitor_! You know? The job you gave me? _That_ … is what I meant.”  
Vasquez raised his head to give him a hesitant, doubtful look.  
“Huh?”  
Rhys gestured wildly.  
“Like, crawling? On all fours? Scrubbing floors? Picking up trash? You spend a lot of time on your knees when you’re cleaning stuff, and…”  
Rhys hurried to grab Vasquez by the shoulders in a clumsy attempt to pull him up without too much physical contact.  
“What... what are you doing crawling around in here, _geez_!”  
"So wait a second, you're not gonna humiliate me, torture me, mutilate me and then have me killed?”, Vasquez asked, erecting himself.  
"What? No! Jesus, no! That's fucked up.” Rhys shuddered.  
"Sooo, uh, then you also don't want to do me doggy style." Hugo awkwardly rubbed his neck.  
“What?! _No_!”, Rhys screeched.  
"In the mouth?"  
"What… why… how did you even _get_ that idea?!” He powerlessly flopped into he office chair.  
  
“Well, uh, the _on all fours_ thing is usually a dead giveaway.", Vasquez explained.  
"I mean, _you_ are the one using it in a pretty unusual context here. These types of _business transactions_ usually end with one dude having the other dude’s cock… somewhere. Or one chick having another chick’s cooch… somewhere else.”  
”They do?!" The color drained from Rhys’s face. He slumped deeper into the office chair, holding his forehead.  
“Wait, so everyone working for Hyperion is gay?”, he said.  
“No, uh…. no, that’s not really what I was getting at with that.”, Vasquez replied.  
“Well, it sounded like it, from the way you phrased it.”  
“Yeah well it _wasn’t!_ …what I was getting at. Rhys. More important is that you got a rocking body.” He gestured along Rhys’s anatomy.  
“I got a rocking body.” He slid a finger along his.  
“We should rock them… together.” He slapped his own hip, a grin lingering on his lips.  
Rhys jumped up and ‘casually’ paced around the office, to bring more distance between them. The deep furrow between his brows was telling on his uneasiness.  
“Yeah, uh, well, I wasn’t really… prepared?... for this…. option.“, he said.  
“Don’t worry, I prepared _everything_!”, Hugo gave an assuring smile.  
"Aww come on, kiddo!”, Jack chimed in in a half-giggle.  
“The occasional argumental blowjobs happen in every company! I mean, I did not know that this is such a massive gay orgy in here, I really, _hahaha_ , had no idea! But you just gotta roll with it. You're on the good side of it, I mean, he's offering you one, not demanding it. What a great start! Just enjoy it!”, he said.  
Rhys walked backwards and bumped against a wall.  
“Come on", Vasquez groaned. "I didn't brush my teeth and stretch my butthole for nothing. I even _bleached_ everything for you! I expected at least a blowjob, I thought you would handle that.“ He approached him.  
"A blowjob from me?", Rhys squeaked.  
" _For you_ , Jesus Christ, Rhys! Listen, how about we just get it over with and I blow you and we're good again? I’d really prefer to be on your good side. Please, just let me do this. I'm fairly certain this will solve everything.”  
" _No_!” Rhys shrieked.  
"Alright, alright, alright, you've earned to get more than this, I agree. I brought condoms, so I'm willing to-”  
"Why would I want _any_ of this? We are not on good terms. We are furthest away from even being friends. You are the epitomy of everything I dislike!”, Rhys said.  
“So what?”  
“So what?! Do you just go around get… freaky with people that you… dislike?”  
“You don’t?”, Vasquez and Handsome Jack said in unison.  
“Haha! Psyche!”, Jack added.  
“I mean, come on Rhys, this is just sex, we’re not even going on a date or anything, we don’t even need to talk. We are smoking hot men about to engage in smoking hot action. Let's do it like Bonobos and solve our conflict with sex!”  
“Yeah, come on, cupcake! I wanna see this guy naked. Something tells me it’s gonna be funny. Like… like… he’s got an embarrassing tattoo or real weird body hair!”, Jack said. “Or a really goofy looking dick. Trust me, I got a sixth sense for that stuff. Never fails me.”  
“Please, shut up…”, Rhys mumbled. Hugo, albeit confused, chose to ignore it.  
"I have a strong feeling that we just got off the wrong foot.", he said.  
"The wrong foot? We've hated each other for years. We’ve been competing for the same things all the time.”  
“Yeah, well, we’ve been... _hopping_ _on the wrong foot_ for a few years then. Also, when we always aimed for the same goals, we gotta have something in common, right? I mean, that's _something_!”  
Rhys crossed his arms and mumbled noncomitally.  
"Also, hatred is a strong word. Even though you've been a pinch in my nutsack more often than not, I've always had a soft spot for you. You have great potential. I mean, look at you now, you obviously do! I always wanted to help you seize that.”, Vasquez said.  
"You humiliated me, insulted me and had me demoted to janitor.", Rhys hissed.  
"That's some _tough love_ right there.", Hugo smiled with an aloofness that was almost mocking.  
Rhys had his finger already hovering over the speakerphone.  
“Alright, I’m gonna call for somebody to take you out. This is not-…”  
Vasquez grabbed his hand.  
“Rhys, wait. You haven’t even given me the chance!” Vasquez threw himself in front of him, desperately clutching his legs, and fumbling at his zipper.  
“You’re creeping me out!”, Rhys screeched.  
“Hey!” Handsome Jack interjected.  
“Hey hey hey, I got an idea! Like, the _best_ idea of the day. Listen to this: _I’ll_ take that blowjob!”,  
Jack pretended to place his arms on Vasquez’s shoulders (as he was not actually able to touch anybody), and bent down to meet Rhys’s eyes.  
“Come on, buddy, I could really go for a BJ now. I’m really in the mood. Like really. We’re both in this together, remember? You are here because of me, and we share this body, and we share this life. So, if you don’t take it, I will.”  
Rhys stared at that empty spot above Vasquez, who was now pulling down his pants. Rhys slowly shook his head, his pupils jittery with shock.  
"What's wrong, fishface? Cat got your tongue?", Jack said. "Is that such a shocker that your rolemodel could be interested in sex? Everybody, everybody, listen to this, news flash! Handsome Jack likes a good fucking! Wow, woah, holy shit, how scandalous! He doesn’t _seem_ like it, at all!”  
“But… this will still be my body…” Rhys whispered, hardly audible for anyone but Jack.  
“And I don’t think I feel comfortable knowing that Vasquez will… touch my body like that.”  
Hugo pressed his face into Rhys’s crotch, and against the Hyperion issued black-yellow boxer brief (including logo). He rubbed his cheek against the bulge, holding his hips in place. Rhys felt himself blushing so much he felt dizzy.  
“Ah, geez- Vasquez-…? Hugo?!” Rhys failed to get him off, awkwardly patting his shoulders and trying to lever his forehead off of him.  
“Well, it’s a little late for that ,not having him touch you' thing now!", Jack remarked.  
"And, easy mistake to make, when I take over, it’s kinda gonna be _my_ body. For that time being that is. I have a proposition for you: If if gets too much in either direction, you can join back in… or call it quits. Alright? Come on. Sweetie. Sweetums. My cupcake. Pretty please with sprinkles on top. Give papa some fun.”  
“Please don’t refer to yourself as papa in this context, like, ugh, but… alright! Geez! Go ahead. Take over before I start vomiting from nervousness. Let’s get this started.” Rhys squeezed his eyes shut.  
“Um, I didn’t… call myself papa but, uh,… good! Great! I’m happy that you… um… want this?” Vasquez said slowly.  
“Oh yeah, I do want this. You offer it to me, I gotta accept, right?”, Rhys squeaked.  
“Well, technically…”  
“Blow me, Vasquez! Do it!”  
“Alright alright alright, I’m on it!”  
Hugo pulled down Rhys’s shorts, grabbed his slender thighs with his bulky hands, and licked along his half-erect length. He gave a deep sigh.  
“You smell really good, Rhys, did you know that? I could just eat you up.... Ah wait, I’m already doing that! To your cock.”  
He chuckled and sucked the tip in, letting him slide towards his throat.  
Trembling helplessly, trying to fight getting aroused by Vasquez’ actions, Rhys threw a demanding glance towards Jack. He, on the other hand, was observing the spectacle with crossed arms and a big self-indulgent grin on his face.  
“Come on! _Now_?!”, Rhys hissed.  
“Hehe, yeah, alright. Get ready, ‘cause here comes papa!”, Jack announced.  
A heavy tug went through Rhys’s body. Every muscle tensed up and went slack, almost simultaneously, almost like an electric shock. When he reopened his eyes, his left one was glowing in a golden yellow. Handsome Jack had full control over his entire body. This fact itself was immensely arousing already (Rhys tried not to think of it, seriously afraid that Jack would notice) But getting his cock, Jack’s cock, their cock sucked by Hugo Vasquez was almost too much to handle.  
“Aww, yeah! _Yeah_!”, Jack mumbled, from then on speaking with Rhys’s vocal cords. The complete takeover had only become possible after a few trial runs, from one hand to two hands, to the upper body, to the whole body... but the voice was the masterclass. Handsome Jack was proud of them. Rhys would have shat his pants in fear, if his bowels still had been his to control that is.  
He watched Hugo Vasquez squeeze his face deep into his crotch. The beard tickled his balls and thighs. The other man was slowly moving back and forth, sucking the shaft impossibly deep into his throat. Rhys could feel it, somehow, but he had no perception of his own body. No control, no ownership. He could still feel Vasquez's tongue rasping against the underside of his cock.  
  
“Oookay...!” Rhys wheezed.  
“This? Is some serious out-of-body-experience... wow... Jack?”, he squeaked, even ignored by the one person who could hear him.  
Jack placed his hands on the sides of Vasquez's head and leaned into his slick, sliding mouth. He let out a joyous, open-mouthed groan. Vasquez's sound was a little more choked than that.  
"Listen, Jack?”, Rhys tried again.  
“I can feel all of this! ...kinda? Like a really weird wet dream. Super intense, but I'm not really... feeling physical. Is this a full takeover Jack? I didn’t know I would still be able to feel this." Rhys was scared and horny. His steady inner voice didn't match the metaphysical sensations of the shared blowjob.  
"This is really good, isn't it?" Jack growled with a grin, knowing how to choose his words in a way that wouldn't seem suspicious to Vasquez.  
"Wait, so, uh, Jack? Little Question: Do you... always feel… everything… I do? When you’re around? Everything?” Rhys didn’t want to think about all the things Jack could have felt him do.  
"W-what about the times I don't see you?", he asked.  
“Yeah, give me everything, baby… I can feel the back of your throat, oh yeah, _I can feel everything_!”, Jack moaned loudly, still with Rhys's outer voice. It was both an answer to Rhys and an encouragement for Vasquez. He slid a hand into his voluminous hair and guided his head to go faster. Vasquez gurgled protest and tried to speak with the hard-on in his mouth.  
"Hey, didn't your mama tell you that you don't talk with a full mouth, you uncultured swine?", Jack chuckled.  
Vasquez drew back and gasped for air.  
"Please-”, he coughed.  
“Please don't tug on my hair, Rhys, okay? I would really appreciate that." His plea was sincere and his eyes big and lost.  
"I'm really sensitive at the roots. You... you know.", he said.  
"And I'm really sensitive at my balls, too!" Jack sneered.  
"Like, ouch, that lumberjack beard is gonna give me some real bad abrasive burn if you don't show a bit more skill."  
"Oh... I'm sorry. I'll try to be careful.", Hugo assured.  
"Trying doesn't really cut it..."  
Jack grabbed Vasquez's chin and tugged it to the left and to the right and back again. He had a good look from all sides, squinting his eyes.  
"Alright, how about this: You get those clothes off?", he said.  
"Which clothes?", Vasquez asked in confusion.  
"Yours! The clothes you're wearing right now! This suit... thing. With the really tasteless embroidery on your collar. Very modern, huh? Man, is that Hyperion issued or did you make that mistake yourself, with that yellow theme going on? Who commited that crime?”  
“Uh, well, yellow is kind of a thing here, so I thought-...”, Vasquez said.  
“Less thinking, more stripping. Strip for me. Ever heard of it?” Jack gently slapped Vasquez's cheek.  
“ _It is when you take your clothes off_?", he spoke in mocking slow motion.  
"For... the blowjob...?" Vasquez squinted his eyes in confusion.  
"Yeah, for the _blowjob_?!", Rhys repeated in horror.  
"Well, yeah?! I deserve the full package?!”, Jack confirmed.  
Kneeling in front of Rhys's body, Hugo Vasquez took off his suit jacket. He loosened his tie and opened his shirt button for button. In the end, he was entirely nude, with only patches of black body hair remaining as a last cover. An even, but not humble cover.  
"Ha! I knew it!” Jack cheered and pointed towards Vasquez's crotch.  
“We got ourselves a bear, ladies and gentlemen. Wow, you're a hairy beast."  
Hugo blushed and gave an awry smile.  
"Well, I am pretty cuddly, ain't I... like a teddybear.", he said.  
"Well this is... a loooot of hair." Rhys stuttered.  
"In areas that I didn't know that could get hairy. Oh god, I can never... ever!.... _unsee_ this. I will never be able to look at him without imagining him naked! Shit, what will I imagine when I'm nervous around him?! Why is he such a bulk of _testosterone_?!" Rhys whined, nothing but a small voice in the back of Jack's head.  
"Hey, be a doll and move your legs so I can have a good view of your dick.", Jack ordered Vasquez.  
He obeyed, a little hestitant. Jack whistled.  
"Yeah, just like that. Now make a piggy sound and get this over with. No, no, wait! Say: I'm Hugo Vasquez, a dirty little pig and I like sucking dick! Oink oink!”  
"A... piggy sound?", Vasquez asked slowly.  
"Yeah, squeal like a pig! Come on, I bet you can do it. Believe in yourself."  
Vasquez knitted his brow and removed his hands from Rhys's thighs.  
"Uhh okay this is... a little... demeaning. I mean, sure, this is supposed to be fun for you, but... wow, Rhys."  
"Sorry, but I'm in charge, right? Do what I tell you or I'll give your head... to the garbage disposal.", Jack threatened calmly.  
“Alright, alright! I'm Hugo Vasquez, a dirty little pig, and I like sucking dick. Oink... oink...”, he obeyed.  
"Well, that sucked. Never become an actor.”, Jack said.  
"Thanks for the advice...”, he murmured.  
“Okay, let's get this going properly. Now, I'm gonna sit down in this lofty exec chair again, yeah?, place my feet on the table... and you'll have my legs on your shoulders... got that?”  
“Uh, I think I do...”, Vasquez said.  
Jack acted out his description and shoved his groin, that is, Rhys's groin, into Vasquez's face.  
“Like that! Now, have a taste of these _Rhys's Pieces_ , and gobble'em all down!”  
Vasquez grabbed the waist of Rhys's slender body, pulling him so close that he wasn't sitting on the chair anymore. His jaw was at the limits of its hinges, pushing Rhys's genitals all the way in. With his neck bent into an odd angle, Jack delightedly purred against his/Rhys's chest.  
“Oh yeah, that's it... no wonder you had a good job position! What a mean cake hole, _nice_!"  
“Jack, aren't we... aren't we gonna come soon? Shouldn't we warn him?”, Rhys whispered sheepishly, too caught in the moment and too unable to act.  
“This is fine...!” Jack growled, grabbing a fistful of Vasquez's hair. He thrusted his hips into the tight warmth of Vasquez's mouth as he would thrust into any other opening. Rhys's body, occupied by Jack, was eerily steady, but Rhys knew his own bodily signs. The prickling center of his groin had started to radiate into his limbs, and he could feel himself tensing up... theoretically.  
“J-jack, really, I'm pretty sure my body is right-... right before-...”, Rhys gasped.  
Vasquez, unaware of their conversation, had begun to massage his own erection with one hand, and Rhys's balls with the other. His head forcefully bobbed back and forth, letting the erection pop out for a good lick every other time. He had showered the whole area with kisses, but was now starting to entirely focus on the shaft. In and out. And sucking it in deeper. Fiercer.  
Rhys gave joyous squeaks inside Jack's mind.  
“Fuck...”, Jack groaned. “I'm _toootally_ coming, sooo, do with that info what you want!”  
Vasquez knew what he wanted. He pushed himself over the shaft until his lips touched the base, ready to take it in. But Jack had other plans. He tugged his hair with a violence that threw his head back -and speckled him with several shots of cum. It was on his lips, his cheeks, even in his hair. Vasquez was breathing heavily, so was Jack, so was Rhys (unheard), but the rest of the room was quiet.  
“Did I say do what you want? _Just kidding_. I really wanted that money shot.” He let go off his hair.  
“B-but I said that... n-not the hair...” Vasquez rubbed his aching scalp but did nothing to wipe the ejaculate away.  
“This was... this was really intense...”, Rhys squeaked.  
“I know, right?”, Jack grinned.  
Suddenly, a realization struck Handsome Jack, and his eyes became wide with recognition.  
“Money shot... oooh shit! Wait, wait a second!”  
He opened a drawer of the office desk, rummaging around. As he found a bank note, he laughed triumphantly.  
He stuck the bill to the cum on Vasquez's forehead.  
“Ooooh! Holy shit! I just knew there was something that I forgot!”  
Vasquez was too confused to respond in a coherent statement.  
“Wallethead! Do you remember the times where you'd suck my dick? And I'd jizz all over your stupid bald head! And then I'd stick some money to it, like you're some cheap prostitute? I totally forgot about that! I mean, I remembered _wallethead_ after I really started thinking about it, but not just how the money stuck there! That... was so hilarious!”  
This was that moment it dawned to Vasquez that it wasn't Rhys he was kneeling in front of.  
“H-handsome... Handsome Jack?”, he stutterd.  
“Oh yeah, in the flesh. Not my flesh, but hey, flesh. Sexy flesh.”  
“Oh..." Vasquez's voice was choked and thin.  
"So that explains... one or the other thing... I was starting to wonder whether I had triggered something to make Rhys act like a... no offense, but... like a total cock.”, Vasquez murmured.  
“Yeah, I getcha, no offense taken. That was just all genuine Handsome Jack.”  
“So... uh... you saw everything that just happened? I really wasn't aware of this... trick.”, Vasquez had a hard time meeting eyes for longer than a brief moment.  
“Saw it? I was there!", Jack laughed.  
"And I am hurt, wallethead, so hurt! You're just selling out to everyone nowadays, huh? Here a blowjob for a promotion, there a blowjob for, I dunno, some candy? And I thought we had something special!”  
Vasquez hunched even more into his kneeling position, losing all the erotic confidence he was radiating before.  
“Oh, but w-we did! I have never _respected_ and _admired_ anybody as much as you, Handsome Jack! My... my feelings towards you-...”  
“Naaah, just kidding!” Jack chuckled, kicking Vasquez away from him and pulling up his pants.  
“ You were totally replaceable. Like, I hardly remember you? If you didn't have that funny money gimmick going on, I'd never remembered you at all. Just how _special_ could that relationship have been?”  
Vasquez crawled across the floor, collecting his clothes in defeat. His defensive posture tried to cover his shame and private parts.  
“...I-I see...”, he mumbled in embarassment.  
“ Ah but don't be sad. You had the opportunity to suck my glorious dick again. It's technically Rhys's dick, but since you have a man boner for the kid too, that shouldn't be a problem, right? I mean, that sounds like a pretty amazing win-win situation for you!"  
Jack looked into the drawers of his desk again and procured a pack of gummy candies. He looked at the best before date, shrugged, and had some.  
"Hey, uh, should I try to put in a good word for you?"  
He chewed on the gummies.  
"We might consider coming back for some more of this? I can convice Rhys if I wanted to. The kid's basically my biggest fan, so, yeah. Come on, I know you'd like that. Wouldn't you?”  
Jack kicked him another time, making the executive chair spin and roll a meter.  
“Huh? Come on. _You like our dick_.”  
Vasquez closed his suit pants over his unsolved erection and buttoned up his shirt.  
"Say, uh... can Rhys come out again?", he mumbled.  
"Say what.", Jack said.  
"I was in the assumption that I was going down on Rhys, and while I am surely flattered that you joined in, Mr Handsome Jack... you weren't the one this blowjob was aimed at. I'd like to... talk about this."  
Handsome Jack broke into guffawing, using Rhys's vocal cords to an alien extend. He was loud and booming. And suddenly the voice broke into a pubescent screech.  
"Ah shit!" He coughed. "What's, haha, what's with this kid's voice?! Did you hear that? How did that just happen?"  
He couldn't stop laughing. He cringed in his seat, holding his belly, slapping a palm on the desk top.  
"Alright, sure, haha... you boys talk it out! Have fun with that, kiddo."  
A jolt went through his body. And the confident body tension slacked into an uncertain, asymmetrical slouch.  
Rhys's eye popped back to a glowing, electric blue.  
And Jack was gone, for the time being.  
So was the presence of a mininum of confident speakers. The two men gave each other a long, uncomfortable look.  
“Shit. Hugo...” Rhys murmured, sinking deeper into his office chair.  
“ You've got some... uh... there, in your face.... ugh.”, he awkwardly pointed his index finger towards the mess.  
Vasquez took a package of disposable handkerchiefs from his pocket, cleaning his face.  
“Umh, yeah, that... I got it. Do I got it?”  
Rhys nodded. Vasquez handed him the sticky bill from his forehead.  
“This, uh... you can have this back. I am not that desperate for money right now.”  
“Listen, umh...", Rhys began.  
"I'm sorry how this turned out. I don't know what came over me.”, Rhys said.  
“Handsome Jack?”, Vasquez said.  
“Yeah, yeah... Handsome Jack. That's exactly what came over me.”  
“And over me.” Vasquez flashed a suggestive grin, pointing at his own face.  
“Ew, geez, please don't.”, Rhys shuddered.  
"Are you angry that Jack stole the experience from you? You were in for it, right? I just didn't know what was going on before it was too late...”, Vasquez said.  
“...well, no.” Rhys mumbled.  
"Are you pissed at me? Did I fuck things up for good? Listen, I did not know-"  
"No! No... I did... feel it. You did give that blowjob to... both of us. I just couldn't move the body."  
"Oh. Nice." Vasquez smirked.  
“B-but that's besides the point!", Rhys hurried.  
"I didn't intend to sexually humiliate and use you, that's... really not my style. You know what I mean?” He gave him an embarassed, apologetic smile.  
"Well, I was humiliated, but not by your cock in my mouth. That was nice. You got a nice cock."  
Rhys's smile twisted into a pained awkward grin.  
  
Vasquez walked over to him, now fully clothed, and looking dignified and collected again. He placed his hand on Rhys's shoulder and rubbed a thumb over his clavicle. He shook his head with serious gravity.  
"There is no use crying over spilled... _milk_.", he broke into a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows.  
Rhys cringed and distorted his face in embarassment.  
"Ugh, oh god, _please_. Please phrase that differently. No better just drop it. Forget it. _Let's both try to forget about that._ "  
"Spilled milk? Really Rhys? Really?"  
He placed his hands on his hips.  
"You've jackhammered my mouth and now literally cry over ' _spilled milk_ '?"  
"Ugh, gross!" Rhys whined.  
"...heh. _Jackhammered_. That's a good one too. See, because _Jack_ was-"  
"Enough metaphors! Okay? Okay."  
Vasquez rolled his eyes. "Shhhure."  
"Just tell me one thing....”, Rhys began.  
“Would you... would you come back to do this again?”, he mumbled quietly.  
“With nothing to gain but, you know, the act itself. Not as payment or bribery."  
"Sure.”, Vasquez didn't hesitate one second. He shrugged his shoulders and gave half a smirk. He chuckled.  
“ Why, did you change your mind and want more of those sexy humps?" Vasquez slid a finger along his hips. Rhys froze and stared at him with big nervous eyes.  
"Yeah, wow, quite the lumpy humps, don't you think? The liposuction either didn't last long or they did it backwards..." Rhys sneered in a tone entirely different to before.  
"...what... who... why are you doing this to me?", Vasquez's face slackened into hurt.  
"Why Rhys? I'm trying to make this work and whenever you're not Handsome Jack? You almost act like a decent guy, well, for Hyperion standards. But suddenly... with the insults... that hurts. Especially from you. It really does."  
"...I'm... well, that wasn't me... exactly.”, Rhys lost all tension again.  
“How do even know this? Did Jack tell you that I had jobs done? Was that Jack just now?”, Vasquez asked.  
"No, it was technically me, but not really..." He scratched his nape.  
"I'm sorry. I really am! When I'm nervous I just kinda say whatever Jack whispers to me. I shouldn't have. It sounded so much better in my head."  
"You should be sorry. Ouch. Way to pick on somebody's insecurities." Vasquez said.  
"I'm trying to be your friend here! Your... sexy friend."  
"Sorry, Hugo.", Rhys said.  
"Yeah!"  
"Sorry..."  
The awkward silence was only stirred by Vasquez re-knotting his tie properly and Rhys's restless shifting on the seat.  
"Guess I'll get _rolling_ then, huh...", Vasquez mumbled.  
"So you would want to be intimate with me with nothing to gain from it?", Rhys slowly started again.  
"I already told ya! What kind of question is this? This a trick question?" Hugo raised an eyebrow.  
"No, no no no, really, serious question.", Rhys assured.  
"Course I would. You're young, sexy, feisty, ressourceful, determined, got real nice hair, and you even have a good job. I would've done you even before that whole coming to power thing. That just happened to be an opportunity, a twist of fate, you could say. We always had this animalistic chemistry, Rhys... Don't you agree?"  
"Why didn't you then?", Rhys asked.  
"Did what?"  
"Why didn't you come onto me?", he asked more confidently.  
"But I did! Did you never notice how often I mentioned balls and dicks? That's pretty clear language there." Vasquez explained.  
"That was you flirting? I thought it was an infantile fixation on phallic symbols.", Rhys said.  
"No, uh, that was me, uh... flirting.", Vasquez said.  
"Well shit. You suck at that."  
"Hey there, watch your language. Whatcha nervous about now, all repeating after Jack again?"  
"No, that wasn't Jack. I'm not nervous. That was me. You just _suck_ at flirting." Rhys grinned.  
Hugo threw him threatening bedroom eyes that made Rhys's knees slightly give in. He had a hard time ignoring his own sexual responses after Hugo's flirting was reframed as an actual invitation.  
"Well, uh, alright... If you try to be subtle, you suck. You're better at...” Rhys swallowed. “...more direct confrontation." He gave an awry, challenging smile.  
"Yeah, thanks, I know.", Vasquez flashed a self-indulgent grin.  
Rhys made himself switch to a more serious facial expression in the blink of an eye. He started speaking in a low, authoritarian tonality.  
"So... uh... I command you to return this friday evening after work. Come into my office."  
"Alright.", Vasquez said with a smirk.  
"Nice. Wink wink, huh, Mr leader of Hyperion?"  
"Yeah, uh, wink wink.", Rhys said.  
"Okay, uh, but what about _my job_? Am I gonna be a janitor now? Not really, right?"  
"That's some _tough love_ right there." Rhys quoted, smiling smugly.  
" _Fuck you, Rhys_! You're not gonna see me in that position for long." Vasquez murmured.  
"I hope to see you in _a few more positions_ on friday.", Rhys responded calmly.  
"Oooh! That bitch just got _owned_.", Jack cheered.  
"Oh, witty banter. Nice. 'Cause we're gonna have sex, right?", Vasquez said.  
"Don't!... ruin this." Rhys groaned.  
"Gotcha." Vasquez clicked his tongue, gave a wink, and left the room.  
  
"So, uh... I guess you got a new _boyfriend_ now.", Jack began.  
"Wow. Really? You can't get a blowjob without going steady, like, immediately? Wooow. Highschool and College must have been real awkward for you. And if you wanna stay exclusive as Hyperion's CEO, phew, that might be a problem? Ever thought about polyamory? Just make sure all of them love _you_ the most, or the little bitches will gang up on you sooner or later... trust me on this one, kiddo.", Jack said.  
"Hugo is not my boyfriend. I just wanted to make sure he wants this. And that I have enough time to figure out... if I do. I don't see the appeal of sexual favors as payment when at least one side gets abused for it."  
"But he literally asked for it!", Jack whined.  
"Because he feared for his job and life! You can force _yourself_ into abusive situations for multiple reasons, this does not equal consent...", Rhys said.  
“Wow, big words, where do you have _that_ from?”  
“Well, uh... Vaughn. Vaughn told me about that, uh... stuff.”, Rhys murmured.  
“Oh, talking of little Mr Muscle! Since you got a boyfriend of your own now...”, Jack began.  
“Then what? Even though Vasquez is still not my boyfriend.”  
“Well, datemate, whatever. If you get one, can I have one for myself too? Or is this gonna be a sharing deal? As I said, the whole 'exclusive' thing might be pretty impossible...”  
“I'm not going to _share_ a person by default, Jack! We will need to discuss this. _That_ _whole thing_ is a whole other discussion, like, wow, this gonna need a long conversation to figure out. I... I can't even begin to see a solution to this.”  
“No sharing? Aww, you're a party pooper. Well, I call dibs on Vaughn either way.”  
“What? No! No, no, no, you are _not_ calling dibs on Vaughn, Jack!", Rhys stuttered. "This is just _wrong_.”  
“But he's this hilarious combination of super cute and super buff? Like a corgi puppy on steroids? Seriously, I cannot wrap my head around it... And he's smart and into tech as well, isn't he? Damn, _that boy_ is boyfriend material!”  
“Jack, please shut up, please! Vaughn is my best friend, so stop objectifying him. Do not mention anything sex-related and his name in one sentence." Rhys laughed in despair. "You're a real pain in the ass, Jack!"  
"Yeah, I know.” He chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.  
“Listen, Handsome Jack is a gift to the people. Sexual favours aren't only for my or our amusement, it's charity work. That's the way the world goes. We should just ask your little friend. Everyone wants sex, money and power, and we got plenty of everything.", Jack said.  
"I just don't want to do that.", Rhys mumbled.  
"What?"  
"I'm gonna run things differently than you did, Jack..."  
"Ha! Yeah, right...", he sneered.  
" _Sure you will,_ cupcake!" 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys takes forever to get ready for his date with Vasquez, while Jack gives the worst pep talk.

And when he thought he’d be done with regretting things for a while, Rhys realized that there was always more room for bad decisions. Letting Vasquez choose the venue for their date had been one of his worse snap decisions (not that those were reliable anyway). His last girlfriend (and wow, that was _years_ ago) had trained him well to never make any suggestions himself. Unless she was the one deciding where to go, she'd find something to be dissatisfied with. She was also dissatisfied _when_ she chose, but at least Rhys could then discard it as her own fault. Offering Vasquez to pick the place was a malfunctioning heuristic, rather than a choice.

Rhys groaned, rubbed the bridge of his nose and leaned his forehead against his bedroom mirror. He examined his lanky self in it, wearing nothing but his black pinstriped slacks. He grabbed the soft parts of his belly and squeezed them into a roll.  
  
“Letting Vasquez choose was such a bad idea. All of this was such a bad idea. I totally lost my nerve back there, ugh, this is so embarrassing...” Rhys mumbled, pinching his own soft gut with disapproval.  
“What’s the worst that could happen?” Jack’s brusque appearance intruded Rhys’s consciousness and made him startle with a yelp.  
“So he takes you to a shitty place. So what?” Jack said. “You’ll still get so laid tonight. Just don’t eat anything weird that could get into the way –or do it, if that’s a thing you’re into. Choo-Choo, here comes the sex express!” The deceased former CEO wanted to slap his successor’s back for moral support, but his holographic hand phased right through. Rhys shuddered and scrunched up his nose, immediately grabbing his pressed button-down to not lollygag in the nude.  
“That’s not it, Jack.” Rhys said. “What if he’s positioned some of his people there? Wherever he’s taking me… And this is actually a kidnapping? Huh? He must be pretty bummed I'm his boss now.” Rhys puffed his chest, buttoning his shirt up to the top. He unbuttoned the top one again. And buttoned it again. He nodded.  
“Aw, you remind me of myself sometimes, cupcake! You're so cute when you're paranoid.” Jack wiggled his finger next to Rhys's cheek, as it poking him. Despite not feeling a thing, Rhys fanned his hand around to shoo him away.  
“I just wouldn't be all too surprised if he would pull one last stunt to turn the tables is all. This is justified!” Rhys placed a hand on his belly and sucked it in. The direction of wrinkles left their horizontal paths, zig-zagging around the shape of his upper torso. Rhys turned to have a look at his profile, critically smoothing out the fabric over his gut.  
“He positioned ‘his people’, huh? Who are you even talking about?” Jack sneered. “Everybody is yours now! Literally everyone on this whole goddamn space station! Everything that the neon light touches belongs to you, Simba…”

"If he doesn't try anything funny tonight, there are only two other options..." Rhys murmured, going through his tie rack. With swift motions, he looked at the categorized slips of fabric: Red, red, blue, black, red, grey, brown, silver... Silver.  
"Either he suddenly _like_ likes me." Rhys snickered, rolling his eyes.  
"Or he just genuinely wants to suck up...” He thoughtfully rubbed index and middle finger over his lips. “I'm in charge, after all, and he's a notorious ass-kisser. He was desperate enough to lick my, well, our..." Realizing that Jack was excitedly waiting for him to utter an expletive, he denied him the pleasure and ended the sentence right then and there. Jack gave a bitter pout.  
"Ccc-…? Yes? Come on, I know you wanted to say _cock_! It feels good, just let it out!" Jack counted the follow-up list on his fingers with greatest self-indulgence: "You could also say dick, dong, schlong, wiener, sausage, magic wand, joystick, candy cane, one-eyed-snake, yoghurt-slinger, meat popsicle, baloney baton… no, call it: _The Thrustinator Deluxe_."

Hyperion’s new CEO ignored the obscenities the ghost haunted him with, and calmly adjusted his new silver tie. Literal silver, made up of solid strips creating a horizontal striped pattern made flexible with interconnecting hinges. It suited his new, more subdued wardrobe, and the monochromatic combination of shades of greys even impressed himself. There were little elements of yellow here and there, highlights like stars in the night sky, but nothing too attention-grabbing. His Atlas timepiece had a few yellow buttons and his suit jacket made a statement with subtle citrine seams. And for a moment he wondered whether Vasquez and him would turn up too color-coordinated to not look like a couple already. And He wondered whether his outfit was, unconsciously, paying homage to Vasquez.

“You think this is too close to his color scheme? He had that black-grey-gold thing going on, I… I don’t know. I don't want him to think I was imitating his style.” Rhys shifted uncomfortably, throwing a glance towards his open wardrobe. He was speaking out loud, because there were no thoughts he could hide from Jack anyway, so he might as well choose in what phrasing to share them. He had nobody else to provide any emotional support for this matter, not right now, so he could just as well try to get something out of their arrangement. A stab of remorse in his guts reminded him of how much deeply he wished that he could've told Vaughn about this. His best friend could've comforted him. He would've assured him that he looked nice and that things were going to be fine. He could've offered him regular phone calls and make up a secret language for them, so Rhys could keep him up to date and have an excuse to leave in case things got uncomfortable. But there was no way he could've told Vaughn. This was a dirty secret Rhys would need to keep for himself until he knew what he wanted to do with this situation. It was Vasquez, for fuck's sake, Hugo fucking Vasquez the corporate sleazebag, and Rhys had no _good_ excuse for the predicament he was in. He could tell why he was getting so ridiculously dolled up for him though, this he knew: It was their habit of one-upmanship. This wasn't for Vasquez, it was a weapon to beat him. He was going to date him into the ground. _This_ was his motivation, this was it.

“He's probably going to read into this,” Rhys huffed. “And say stupid shit like _'Oh Rhys, Rhys, Rhys... I'd say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery'_.” He nailed Vasquez's rhythm and tonality of speech too much to not be practiced before. “Or he'll tell me to go get changed because he wore it first, I don't know. Superficial asshole.” He said, picking the cufflinks that matched his tie in shape and material.  
“Come on, you little rascals won’t be wearing your stupid color-coordinated corporate shit for long, anyway. If he has a problem with your outfit, you just rip it off and reveal your hot body and then you two turtle doves get to the fucking right away. BAM! Everyone's happy.”  
Jack began to lean back and float around him, circling him like a glowing blue translucent shark. Jack shaped an o with his index finger and thumb, and wiggled his tongue through the opening in an obscene gesture.  
“Dessert before dinner, baby!” He exclaimed. Rhys shielded his eyes from the sight and turned away groaning in embarrassment.

“Hey. Hey, Pumpkin, do I detect a hint of shame here? We cannot have that!” His face dashed far too close to Rhys’s to not make him jump and squeak yet again. “You know how the paparazzi are, everything you do, they’re gonna put online! You have a company to represent, Rhysieboy, _my_ company!”  
Rhys squinting his eyes made Jack reluctantly reconsider his choice of words.  
“ _Our_ company, okay, _ours_. You gotta be 100% with it, man, you gotta slay the cock, a’right? Slay it! I was always more of a pussy slayer myself, but hey, I respect your sexual deviancy.”  
Rhys paused to give Jack a scandalized look, his lips trying to form an answer, but failing to speak. He then simply shook his head and turned away from the hologram to go through his toiletries, searching for a deodorant, a cologne, and maybe some light foundation to get rid of this nervous oily sheen on his forehead.  
“T-that was a joke, you’re not…" Jack stuttered, feeling helpless when being ignored.  
"Hey, I didn’t mean it like that, okay? Don’t give me the cold shoulder, baby!” He tried to appease, but Rhys only snarled quietly, not granting him any attention.  
“Don't worry about it, man! I’ll always be there to give you some hints regarding the ins and outs.” The hologram purred, wiggling his eyebrows. “I even had sex with a gay dude one time, like, _sex_ sex. Dick-in-ass action. I mean, that doesn’t make me _gay_ , you’re ahead of me there… But hey, this means I fucking know what I’m fucking talking about... in regards to the fucking. ”  
“Can you, maybe… be quiet for a moment? I’m mentally preparing myself, alright? It’s not every day that you accidentally end up having a date with a... challenge... like Vasquez.” Rhys mumbled, dousing himself in his last sprays of ’Million Dollars for Men’.  
“Also, I’m _pansexua_ l, and my experience with men is… limited.” He added reluctantly.

“Hey, Rhys, can you tell me: Does it count when it’s in a gang bang and you happen to catch some cock? It doesn’t count, right?” Jack mused, even though Rhys was entirely focused on the reflection of his own face. He examined his jaw, head turning left and right, and finally took a tweezer to pull out 3 hairs that shouldn’t be there all by themselves.  
“Happen to _'catch'_ some-...?” Rhys murmured. “It's... it's not a disease that you-... You know, I don't actually wanna know.”  
“Oh, and that dude wasn't Vasquez, just a head's up. Not to give you any crazy fantasies, you know. Hahaha!” Jack's shrieking laughter almost seemed nervous. “Haha, no, no, no, I would've _killed_ the guy if his cock had ever _dared_ to come near my ass.”  
Rhys massaged a cleansing cream into his skin, rubbing the fingertips in nice relaxing circles. He washed it off with a few splashes of cool water, and the air hitting the raw skin felt refreshing, calming, and took a bit off the edge.

“But hey, I still know a few other things regarding how you gotta treat people like him, so... count yourself lucky!” Jack continued. “That bitch was soooo into me? Obvioursly still _is_. I think he’d be down to get his ass plowed on your mark anyway, but it'll be _really fun_ if you follow _my moves_.”  
“Jack... I'm good.” Rhys said. “I have my own _moves_. Also, I want to impress him, yeah okay, sure.” He threw his hands up in defeat. “But I don’t want to impress him _so much_ that something happens that I might regret later. I’m afraid you’d be a little… too hasty, you know.”  
“Say what? So you’re telling me that you’re _not_ trying to get laid? I’ve seen your dirty fantasies popping up like screensavers after 2 minutes of inactivity. You could really use to get laid, you know.”

When Rhys looked into the mirror, he was completely lost in the elimination of all blemishes with a rather expensive skin foundation. As Jack's face appeared right on top of his in the bathroom mirror, not unlike a Hyperion Bloody Mary.Rhys _screamed_. Despite logically knowing that this was _normal by now_ , his basic brain told him to _run_ , and even after the first shock subsided, the desire stayed with him.  
“It's still _Vasquez_ , okay? This is only... this is only me showing him how much he's misjudged me and what he's missing out on. Just a little showing off, nothing more, kinda like competitive dating. Yeah. And maybe we'll have a talk about his future in the company or something.”  
“Weren't you going on about 'Oh I can't have sex with him already, I need to know he genuinely wants it and doesn't feel pressured by any other factors and that we're both consenting, _blah, blah, blah?_ '” Jack recalled with an annoying whine.  
Rhys scrunched up his nose. “Please just... step, uh, _float_ aside. You're covering the mirror.”

When Rhys met his own odd-colored eyes in the bathroom mirror, the firm determination that beamed from behind them busted through his vague anxiety. There was a clarity in them that motivated himself, and a tiny voice whispered to him -not Jack’s this time but his own intuition. That he just might not be the type for revenge, and that it was perfectly okay. This whole dating ordeal was making him less nervous than the prospect of physically harming Vasquez, and that was somewhat surreal and _new_ to Rhys.  
“Maybe I’m a lover, not a fighter?” Rhys whispered, giving himself an askew, peppy grin and a fingersnap. But the grin vanished with Jack’s mocking giggle hacking at his brain like a migraine.  
“Lover?! You sell weapons, you dickhead! You're a warmonger, buddy, and now you're going all ‘Oh I dunno? Maybe I’m a lover or somethin’?’” Jack gave his best Valley Girl impression. “Kind of a wrong choice of career then, don't cha think? Dude, how gay can you even be?!” He cackled like a hyena and Rhys wished he knew how to shut it off. “And I mean, not because you’re going on a date with a man or anything. _This attitude_ is definitely more gayer.”  
For the remaininder of Rhys getting ready, Jack continued to giggle and mutter words garbled by his snickering. But at least it kept the holographic ghost busy enough to not interfere with Rhys's EchoEye App updates during the ride to Vasquez’s place.

 

* * *

 

After they had trashed two of his cars on Pandora, it was only common decency to offer him a ride. Whether he was completely out of options, or whether he still had a company car saved up for a rainy day, Rhys didn’t know. He would find out soon enough. For the time being, he planned to at least get a little satisfaction out of the fact that for now, he was definitely the one with the bigger, better and more expensive conveyance.

When he pressed the buzzer to Vasquez’s apartment, he noticed a red leaflet sellotaped to the door. ‘Eviction Noti-‘ Before he could even finish reading, the piece of paper dodged away with the opening of the door. Vasquez’s eyes spotted the notice quickly, and before Rhys could say a word, it was a crumpled ball of recyclable casually thrown over Vasquez’s shoulder.

“Good evening-” Vasquez slammed the door shut behind him, louder than intended. “—Rhys.”  
He casually leaned into the doorframe with a broad grin plastered to his face and a smart suit hugging his body. Rhys had always become strangely nervous when Vasquez's wear emphasized his broad shoulders, comparatively narrow hips and stocky legs -it gave him a quality of a predator, with their broad ribcages and sturdy builds. This was the testosterone equivalent of women in wasp-waist corsets and racks twice the size of their head. Rhys had always reminded himself that he was, objectively seen, the more attractive man: Tall, slim, legs that never end and a very well-defined jaw that could rival Handsome Jack's, just minus the underbite and square chin. But still, Vasquez managed to make him feel a little threatened, with his obtrusive self-confidence and constant peacocking. Him, in his streamlined one-button peaked-lapel black dinner jacket with golden 'H' cufflinks and a mustard-colored shirt with the top two buttons unbuttoned and a boutonniere adorning his right side of the chest. Or actually, a lapel pin. It wasn't a real flower but a modernized reconstruction made of thin gold sheets. Who wears boutonnieres nowadays? But considering it was, in fact, a very flashy lapel pin, Vasquez managed to be modern and traditional and unique at the same time. Rhys felt irrationally underdressed.

His instinct was to comment with something witty, something mean, something that would make Vasquez stop looking so eye-rollingly smug. But he swallowed the impulse. Hugo had dressed up for him, after all, Rhys wanted to assess his intentions _before_ ruiningthe evening.  
Instead, Rhys gave a hoarse “Evening…”, cleared his throat, and repeated: “Evening… Hugo. Your ride… has arrived.” He offered him his elbow and made a little bow, and it only took seconds for him to realize how embarrassing he was acting. He had laid it out differently in his mind, he had anticipated something with swagger: cool and casual, no big deal. This was so by the book. A book written decades ago. Rhys was feeling rather rusty in regards to the dating game, and he had tried to ignore the suspicion, but this was obvious proof.  
But as he noticed that Hugo eagerly accepted the offered arm, almost too eager actually, Rhys felt a little surge of confidence. Vasquez was not _such_ a hot shot.

“How cute. You’re trying to be all charming tonight, aren’t you?” Vasquez languidly stroked his fingers along Rhys’s arm, checking out his biceps. Rhys tensed up to make it bulge at least a little.  
“ _You’re_ cute, throwing yourself at me like this is your first date.” Rhys countered. The word _’cute’_ was a mockery, but Vasquez refused to register that meaning. Rhys cocked an eyebrow with a smirk on his lips.  
“Well it’s my first date with you…” Vasquez hummed. “So I feel _like a virgin_ again...”  
He stepped into the passenger seat as Rhys held the door for him, keeping lavish eye contact that was everything but appropriate for _‘a virgin’_.  
“I think that ship has long left the hangar, Vasquez.” Rhys closed the door in front of Vasquez’s face.  
Hugo leaned so close against the window that his breath fogged up a patch in front of him. He seductively moved his lips with slow emphasis, so that Rhys could still read what he said, even though the sound was muffled by the car door: “You’ll be thankful for that tonight.”  
Rhys covered his eyes and shook his head, and realized that he couldn’t possibly be more embarrassing than Vasquez anyway, and that this date would probably... go _just_ fine.


End file.
